Who's In Charge Here?

Like many other people, I have lived in places and taken  jobs that I wound up hating.  Yet with some exceptions, such as my childhood location of  residence about which of course I had no choice in the matter, as an adult I was the one responsible for deciding where to live and where to apply for work. But once I was in, it was not easy to leave the former when I had a lease or a mortgage, or the latter in difficult economic times in which jobs were scarce or I was experiencing ''job lock'' due dependence on an employer's low cost health insurance that would have otherwise been unaffordable. Under those circumstances  I felt that I had lost control  and was no longer in charge of those vital areas of my life, and so I was very unhappy. Eventually, though, circumstances changed in my favor, including a timely retirement and expatriation.  And of course that made a major difference in my outlook. 

I think it's that very sense of ownership—or lack thereof—over our lives even more so than wealth which drives  our sense of satisfaction and happiness. When we allow others  to decide our fate thereby usurping our independence and personal sovereignty,  no matter how much we may gain materially in return, we can't help but feel hopeless and depressed.  There's a song "Silver Threads And Golden Needles" which captures this sentiment very nicely.

Similarly, as an atheist, one thing that I don't have to concern myself with  is the thought that my destiny is controlled by  an alleged supreme being. This is in contrast to  theists who are convinced that a god who's an all-powerful father figure, runs their lives. Having once been a believer myself l know  how restrictive that kind of a mindset can be. It means surrendering your personal autonomy  which is a vital part of one's being to a so-called higher power whose existence is not even proven.  And without that sense of wholeness, how can  people feel complete when they believe in a force that manipulates them like puppets on a string? 

A common reply by believers is  that "God has a plan" for them. But such  blind faith  just reinforces this sense of personal helplessness. In turn,  it's  that powerlessness which leads to despair. Note that America has a very high rate of god-belief and is in fact "the most devout of all the rich Western democracies"  However,  U.S also has one of the world's highest rates of depression.  Of course, correlation is not causation, but the the fact that both of these phenomena co-exist and in such high numbers at that can't help but give one pause.   

In short, a sense  of personal control over one's life doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness, but it goes a long way towards that end. On the other hand, a perceived lack of such ownership will almost certainly result in a life constricted by a sense of powerlessness and unfulfillment.